Jarasans Blog

Just the facts.

Sunday, April 29, 2007


Lawyer joke.

     I'm not sure it's the best of all time, but it's a good one.
     The  "Best Lawyer Story of All Time"...
     The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the
     city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way! volunteer paid the
     lawyer a visit in his lavish office.
     The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that
     even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a
     penny to charity.  Wouldn't you like to give something back to your
     community through the United Way ?"
     The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, "First, did your research also
    show you that my mother is dying after a long, p gainful illness and she has
     huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?
     Embarrassed, the United Way Rep mumbles, "Uh... no, I didn't know that."
     "Secondly," says the lawyer, "my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind
     and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six

     The stricken United Way Rep begins to stammer an apology.....
     "Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died
     in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three
     children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning
     disabilities  requiring a huge array of private tutors?"
     The humiliated United Way Rep, completely beaten, says, "I'm so sorry,
     I  had no idea."

     And the lawyer says, "So...if I didn't give any money to them, what
     makes you think I'd give any to you?"


Thursday, April 26, 2007


Systems do work!

Here is a story of a NON Quick Pick win!

Westminster Man ‘Shoots the Moon’ with Bonus Match 5 Win
Westminster Resident Wins $50,000 Top-Prize

(Baltimore) – A NASA retiree from Westminster might be down to earth, but he has been sky-high ever since his big win playing Bonus Match 5. The 74-year old veteran of the Apollo program and several Goddard space projects can also add winning $50,815 to his ‘high-flying’ resume.

The lucky man discovered his win when he scanned the ticket at the store where he purchased it a few days before. “The machine said cash at Lottery Headquarters,” he said. “I knew then that it had to be the top-prize.”

The four winning lines that combined for a total prize of $50,815 were selected with a system he developed for picking his numbers. First, 14 numbers are selected based on past drawings, then a program called ‘Matchfinder’ selects the 10 combinations he will play.

The lucky man is going to keep his win a secret. He plans to treat his wife as they celebrate their 20th anniversary this month. The winner will also invest in the options market. He says he will continue to play Bonus Match 5. “My goal is to win the top prize three times,” he added.

The winning ticket was purchased at the High’s #118 on Sykesville Road in Gamber.

I love these stories.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007


Bush at VaTech.

Here is GW with Tim Kane Gov. of Virginia. paying respects


These are times when politics don't matter.

Sunday, April 22, 2007


May 6,2007 2:03:04 AM

Check it out it'll be 02:03:04 AM on 05/06/07 !

Only happens once, and it is on my mom's birthday!

Monday, April 16, 2007


Some Rodney jokes to lighten the mood.

      I miss Rodney Dangerfield.  He got no respect,  I could relate.
         My wife only has sex with me for a purpose.  Last night she used me
to time an egg.
          It's tough to stay married.  My wife kisses the dog on the lips, Yet
she won't drink from my glass!
         Last night my wife met me at the front door.  She was wearing a sexy
negligee.  The only trouble was, she was coming home.

        A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over.  There's nobody home."
        I Went over.  Nobody was home!

        A hooker once told me she had a headache.

        I went to a massage parlor.  It was self service.

        If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

        I was making love to this girl and she started crying.  I said, "Are
you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate

        I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger.  That's
when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off.

        I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex

     & nbsp;  My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen
the roaches hang themselves.

        I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for

        The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked.  I asked
"Why?" He said "Because you came home early."

        My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

        I know I'm not sexy.  When I put my underwear on I can hear the
Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

        My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from
Chicago last night.

Thursday, April 12, 2007


Tax clock ticking away.

Tax time again! And I procrastinated again, this time I frittered the time away on Lottery Post when I shoulda been working on deductions. Hmmm, I wonder if I can deduct........... Well probabaly not.


Tuesday, April 10, 2007




1. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.

 2. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

 3. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.

 4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

 5 For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

 6. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

 7. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

 8. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

 9. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

 10. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

 11. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

 12. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist reverse.

 13. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

 14. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

 15. Experience enables you to recognize a mistake when you do the same thing again.

 16. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

 17. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

 18. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

 19. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

 20. And never, EVER take a sleeping pill and a laxative in the same night.

Saturday, April 7, 2007


What is up with 1-20-09?

no hilliaryIf it is what i think it means then this is what I think.



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