Jarasans Blog

Just the facts.

Monday, April 25, 2011

 

The recession is so bad...

THIS RECESSION IS SO BAD ................

.....I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

.....CEOs are now playing miniature golf.

.....Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

.....A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with
rolls of pennies while she danced.

......I met a polygamist with only one wife.

.....If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds,"
you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

.....McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

.....Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .

......My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it
-----so they re-possessed her!

......The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed
by Somali pirates.

......Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh great!
The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated
by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally.......

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.


Sunday, April 17, 2011

 

Don't do it Texas!

Don't ask the feds for help!  Don't do it!  Big mistake!  I thought Texas was ready to secede!  We are in great shape they said in Texas,  come do business here..................yaddah yaddah yaddah.  We don't need no stinkin' big gooberments heerah!  Get some water from the Gulf but don't beg for fed assistance.   You'll regret it.


Thursday, April 14, 2011

 

Another one!

Dear Sir/Madam,
 
I am Engr. John Tetteh, the Managing Director of Akubea Mining & Farming Co. LTD, Accra Ghana - West Africa with branches in South Africa and Nigeria. Our company is the leading Gold selling company in Ghana - West Africa. We sell Gold to clients in Europe, America, South America and Asian countries.
 
JOB POSITION
We are a company that deals on Alluvial GOLD. We produce gold dust and bars in Ghana - West Africa and export overseas. We are searching for a representative who can help us establish a medium of getting our customers in ASIA, AMERICA, SOUTH AMERICA and EUROPE as well as making payments through you to us. We will be glad if you are interested in transacting business with us.
 
You can easily make $600-$1,000 or more in a week by working for us as a representative in ASIA, SOUTH AMERICA&EUROPE. You will be in charge of collecting payment on behalf of our customers and Small business organizations that are registered under us. There is no form of investment that is needed from you and this job will take only 1-3 hours of your time per week. You don't need to spend money at all as our representative. All we need is your sincerity, 100% trust and assurance that you will send us our money immediately you receive it from our buyer. You will always deduct 10% in any amount you receive from our customer as the effort you made and send the remaining amount to us.
 
THIS IS WHAT IT ENTAILS:
 
1. Get/receive payment from clients/Customers.
2. Process Payments at your Bank.
3. Deduct 10% which is your commission/Payment on amount cashed.
4. Forward the remaining 90% to the information that will be provided later on.
Note: If you still get buyer of Gold for our company you will be highly compensated.
 
I will need you to provide me with your basic personal info such as:
Full Name:
Full Mailing Address:
Country Zip Code if Any:
Direct Telephone or Mobile Number:
Passport or Drivers license as a means of identification:
 
Fill the above Info so as to qualify you for the position.
 
I hope to hear from you upon receipt of this email.
 
Engr. John Tetteh
Managing Director
Akubea Mining & Farming Co. Ltd.
Accra-Ghana

Sunday, April 3, 2011

 

Another one!

Please for pete's sake bcc: email addresses and clean up foward header info!

Banque Regionale de solidarite
Lome Togo.
email: [email protected]
Telephone +228 05 84719

The need to get a foreigner

I am Jubril Braimoh, Head of Internal Audit, Banque Regionale de
solidarite , working as part of a bigger team that covers the entire
African region. An investor (name with held) died without naming any next
of kin to his fund in my bank, He was a foreigner.The amount is us$144.5
Million and banking regulation/legislation in Togo demands that i should
Notify the fiscal authorities after three years. Now any person who Apply
and defend the subject

becomes the Benefit.The above set of facts underscores my reason to seek
your permission to have you stand in as the next of kin to the
deceased.These funds will be approved and released in your favor as the
next of kin if only you will adhere to my instruction and cooperate with
me in one accord. I have all the legal and banking details of the deceased
client that will facilitate our putting you forward as
theclaimant/beneficiary of the funds and ultimately transfer of the
us$144.5 M plus interest to any bank account nominated by you. I am
prepared to compensate you with a 40% share of the total Funds for your
efforts, 5% cover local and international expenses.The next step is to
file in application as next of Kin. Contact me to continue with.Full
names...........Occupation...........Company Names........Telephone
Number.....

Thank you,

Jubril Braimoh


Friday, April 1, 2011

 

This was in my inbox! HA!

Idiots.  People actually respond to this crap?

Dear Friend
 

I want to inform you that the fee for your Cheque Draft has been Paid because the manager of Eco Bank Benin told me that before the check will get to you it will expire. So I told him to cash the ($1.5M USD), all the necessary arrangement of delivering of the ($1.5M USD), in cash was made with FedEx COMPANY WORLD WIDE. Here is the contact of the FedEx Company World Wild bellow.

Dr.David Woods
TEL: +22998976228
EMAIL: ([email protected])

Please send them your contacts information to enable them locate you immediately they arrived in your country with your BOX. This information they need from you in order to delivery your box to your address.


1. YOUR FULL NAME ___________________________
2. YOUR HOME ADDRESS ___________________________
3 YOUR CURRENT HOME TELEPHONE NUMBER __________________
4. YOUR CURRENT OFFICE TELEPHONE__________________
5. A COPY OF YOUR PICTURE __________________


Please make sure you send this needed info to the Director General of FedEx Company world wild in Benin MORRISON HILL. With the address given to you. Note. The FedEx Company here doesn’t know the contents of the Box. I registered it as damages of jeans returning to the retailer. They don't know it contents money to avoid them delaying with the Box. Please don't let them to know that the contents of the Box are money to avoid them from delaying with the box. I am waiting for your urgent response.


Meanwhile the only fee you have to pay them is $125 USD they will use to obtain insurance certificate and claims of affidavit that will prove the box that consist total sum of ($1.5M USD) belongs to you. be rest assured that all other fees have been paid by me I am waiting for your urgent response.

Thanks
Jackson Dues


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