You Decide

Came in email, hope you enjoy!  Language may offend some so proceed at your own risk 'specially if you're not southern.

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To my Southern friends and relatives

Southern women know their summer weather report:
Humidity
Humidity
Humidity

Southern women know their vacation spots:
The beach
The rivuh
The crick

Southern women know everybody's first name:
Honey
Darlin'
Shugah

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions:
Baptist
Methodist
Football

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Chawl'stn
S'vanah
Foat Wuth
N'awlins
Addlanna

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler

Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food

More Suthen-ism's:
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a
conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
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Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,
peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
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Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of
"yonder."
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Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to
town, be back directly."
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Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the
white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the
middle of the table.
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All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the
term, but they know the concept well.
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Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for
a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big
bowl of cold potato salad.
If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large
banana puddin!
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Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and
"a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1
mile or 20
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Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a
redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
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No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn
signal is actually going to make a turn.
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A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
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Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're
"in line,"... we talk to everybody!
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Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're
related, even if only by marriage.
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In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.
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Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
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Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are
perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that
fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
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When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you
are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
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Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea
indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea
unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
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And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old
ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway.
You just say,"Bless her heart"... and go your own way.
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To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness:
Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the
morning. Bless your heart!
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And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all
this Southern stuff...bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have
classes on Southernness as a second language!
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And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long
time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'all's front porch that reads "I
ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."
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Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !

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Now Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they
had been! If you're a Northern transplant, bless your little heart, fake
it. We know you got here as fast as you could.