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1) Republicans ahead of him on the golf course wouldn't let him play through; so he missed calls telling him ISIS was overrunning Iraq.

2) Obama has been too busy reliving his choom gang days by getting high and watching old Cheech and Chong movies to fix the economy.

3) Don't blame Obama for Obamacare. It's George Bush's fault!

4) Obama was completely unaware that there is more to being President than giving speeches blaming Republicans for causing all of America's problems.

5) What failed presidency? Chris Matthews says Obama is the most successful President ever!

6) He's distracted all the time because Michelle won't let him eat anything other than carrots, beets and arugula.

7) Joe Biden said something dumb? That's George Bush's fault!

8) The mainstream media only gives Obama more credit than he deserves 90 percent of the time instead of 100 percent; so it’s not doing its part!

9) Going on frequent vacations to take a break from not working is a lot more stressful than you’d think.

10) As we all know, Obama learns about most of the problems in his administration by watching the news and he has been too busy golfing to watch TV.

11) He doesn't want to say all those nasty things about Republicans, but they keep appearing on his teleprompter; so he has to read them.

12) A lot of the white people who voted for Obama in 2008 and 2012 figured out he is black and went all racist on him!

13) People don’t like Barack Obama’s executive orders? That’s George Bush’s fault!

14) That liar Putin never came through with the magic beans he promised Obama in exchange for allowing him to invade Ukraine.

15) It was just too creepy to get any work done with Hillary Clinton in the building. There were broomsticks in the corners, flying monkeys everywhere, and Hillary peeping out of the corners screaming, "I'll get you, my pretty!"