JOKE OF TODAY

Many things can create one, it can be of any shape or size, it is created for various reasons, and it can shrink or grow with time. What is it?

Singer Thomas John Woodward is better Known by what name ?

A woman had been away for two days visiting a sick friend in another city. When she returned, her little boy greeted her by saying: "Mommy, guess what! Yesterday I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and Daddy came into the room with the lady next door and they got undressed and got into your bed and then Daddy got on top of her..."

The boy’s mother held up her hand. "Not another word," she said: "Wait till your Father comes home and then I want you to tell him exactly what you've just told me."

The Father came home soon afterward. As he walked into the house, his wife said: "I'm leaving you. I'm packing now and I'm leaving you."

"But why--" asked the startled father. "Go ahead, Son. Tell Daddy just what you told me."

"Well," the son said, "I was playing in your bedroom closet and Daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and got into bed and Daddy got on top of her and then they did just what you did with uncle John when Daddy was away last summer."

A horse is tied to a 15 ft. rope and there is a bail of hay 25 ft. away from him. Yet the horse is able to eat from the bail of hay. How is this possible

Who holds the career record for most rushing touchdowns in the NFL ?

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain."


"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."


"But, officer, I just wanted to say,"


"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"


A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."


"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

Marie's father has five daughters:

1. Chacha
2. Cheche
3. Chichi
4. Chocho
5. ????

Question: What is the fifth daughter's name?

Who had a hit with the song "Hot Stuff "

A man goes to the doctor after feeling ill. The doctor says: "You know, you should have come to see me sooner. Unfortunately you have waited too long and you are going to die this evening."

The man is distraught and wonders how he is going to tell his wife. Well, he tells her and she takes it pretty well.

"Honey, this is going to be a night that you will always remember," she says. "I am going to treat you like a king."

She prepares a scrumptious gourmet dinner with wine, candles -- the works.

After dinner she slips away and returns in the most incredible negligee the man has ever seen. She leads him into their bedroom. They make the most passionate love they have ever made.

The man is beside himself. Once done, the wife rolls over to go to sleep knowing she kept her promise. Well, the husband is wide awake watching the clock.

He knows that he is doomed. He taps her. "Honey?" he whispers. She rolls over and they again proceed to make love. Again when they were done she rolls over and he taps her.

By now she is getting cranky, but under the circumstances she grants her husband's dying wishes. Finally the wife rolls over and begins to snore. Well, the man decides to tap her again. "Honey?" he whispers.

She rolls over and yells: "Would you give it a rest? One of us has to get up in the morning!"

What do these three objects have in common?
Corn
Weasel
Balloon

The arcade game "Donkey Kong" was introduced in what year ?

A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.

Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:

"Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl; looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator. Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn't suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore. Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked: 'Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?' And so, here we are!"

What did NBC start calling their Thursday night lineup in 1993 ?

What word can be written forward, backward or upside down, and can still be read from left to right?

What is the date of Easter 2010 ?

Who had a No. 1 R&B hit in 1966 with " Love Is A Hurtin' Thing ?

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.

"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.

"And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."

Two boxers are in a boxing match (regular boxing, not kick boxing). The fight is scheduled for 12 rounds

but ends after 6 rounds, after one boxer knocks out the other boxer. Yet no man throws a punch. How is this possible?

Name the largest body of fresh water in the world.

A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water. His wife asks: "What's that for?"

"It's for your headache," he replies.

"I don't have a headache," she insists.

He replies: "Gotcha!"

Rearrange the letters of NOR DO WE to make one word.

Did Michelangelo paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel before or after he sculpted David ?

Two old ladies are standing at a bus station and one of them is smoking. Suddenly, it starts raining, so the one who is smoking takes out a condom from her purse, cuts the edge off and puts it over the cigarette.

"What are you doing?" her friend asks.

"I don't want my cigarette to get wet so I covered it with a condom," she replies.

"Where did you get it?" her friend asks.

"At the pharmacy," she replies.

So the next day her friend goes to the pharmacy and asks the clerk if she can get a condom.

"What size?" the clerk asks.

"I dunno," she replies, "one that will fit a camel."

A Panda Bear walked into a resturant. He sat down at a table and ordered some food. When he was finished eating, he took out a gun and shot his waiter. He then left the resturant. After the police caught up with him, they asked him why he had killed the waiter. He replied, "Look me up in the dictionary." What did the dictionary say?

What former NBA player is now the mayor of Sacramento, Calif. ?