Good Humor And A Good Laugh Is Very Healthy
There's a lady in the room. She has four cats. She puts cat one, two, three, and four all in a different corner. Cat one has two kittens, cat two has four kittens, cat three has six kittens, and cat four has eight kittens. How many feet are in the room?
Martin arrived at Sunday school late. Miss Walter, his teacher, knew that Martin was usually very punctual so she asked him if anything was wrong.
Martin replied no, that he had been going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church.
Miss Walter was very impressed and asked the lad if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing?
Martin replied, 'Yes he did. Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us.'
| Dear Child,
I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though. Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since. The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home. They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out. Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom. Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened. PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed. |
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What do you call a man who was born in Columbus, raised in Cincinnati, and died in Chicago?
A blond golfer comes racing into the Pro Shop screaming: "I got stung by a bee! I got stung by a bee!"
"Where did he sting you?" asked the Pro.
"Between the first and second holes!" she cried.
"Well, lady," he said. "The first thing you need to do is close your stance a little."
Are you male or female?
To find out the answer, look down.. ..
Look down, not scroll down!!!!
M _ _ _ _ _ G
I start with an M and end with a G.
I run wild through the planes.
I neigh and whinny.
I eat plants and grass,
and I run like the wind.
What am I?
A ship was sinking.
Captain: Does any one knows how to pray?
A priest comes forward and says he can pray.
Captain: Ok, you pray; Everyone else in the ship will wear a life jacket. We are short of one.
A somewhat drunk man feels a bald man’s head and says,
“Say, your head feels just like my wife’s behind.”
The bald man feels his own head and says with a grin,
“You know, you’re right!”
Father O'Malley was driving down to Boston when got stopped for speeding in Medford. The highway patrol officer smelled alcohol on the priest's breath and then saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He said, 'Father, have you been drinking?'
'Only water', replied Father O'Malley.
The policeman asked, 'Then how come I can smell wine?'
The priest looked at the bottle and said, 'Good Lord! He's done it again.'
I am used to bat with, yet I never get a hit.
I am near a ball, yet it is never thrown.
A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"
Sometimes using me requires more skill and attention.
Technological updates are too many to mention.
I can close the distance from miles apart.
Electrical transmission gave me a start.
Though my birth was a success, it brought about a demise.
From the clues that I have given you it is time for your surmise.
There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast. On his way in he kicked a cow, pig and a chicken. When he got to the table he saw a dry bowl of cereal.
"What's the deal?" he asks.
His mom says: "You kicked the cow, so no milk for you; you kicked the pig, so no bacon for you; and you kicked the chicken, so no eggs for you."
Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicks the cat.
The boy turns to his mother and says: "Do you want me to tell him or should you?"
