Try to think of as many people you think that fit the bill.!
As far as the psychology of the unconscious is concerned, lying is a fact of life. But the act of telling lies is something else entirely. When you tell a lie you make a deliberate, conscious effort to deceive someone, and that deception, at its psychological core, is an act of aggression.
This aggression derives from two interrelated unconscious motivations, one about not knowing, and the other about something you do know.
|
• |
The first motive is a desire to cover up lack—that is, when others, especially your parents, consistently fail to teach you, in a wise and compassionate way, about how the world “works” (both mechanically and emotionally), you can easily develop a feeling of inadequacy. Shamed by what you don’t know, you will want to hide this painful feeling somehow. |
|
• |
The second motive is a response to knowing that someone has failed you in some way. Do you tell lies to your parents? Then you know, deep in your heart, that they won’t, or can’t, care enough about you to give you the family security that you need. Do you tell lies to your teachers or boss? Then you know that they won’t, or can’t, give you the promotion or recognition you desire. Do you tell lies to your friends? Then you know that they won’t, or can’t, give you what you want, whether it be sympathy, or affection, or anything else. Knowing these things, you will want to get satisfaction somehow. |
Therefore, your lies become cunning weapons of revenge in a psychological battle to inflict pain on those who hurt you. That is, when someone treats you critically, you feel hurt, shamed, and afraid; and then, as an angry response to that hurt, you will tell lies in a fabricated sense of invulnerability to hide your painful shame while causing injury to that person.
Even a pathological liar carries deep in his heart a desire for goodness and honesty and yet, because of painful emotional wounds, he knows that the world never has recognized his pain. Moreover, he believes that the world never will recognize his pain. And so, to hide that pain from himself, he uses all the lies he can concoct to hurl at the world as he runs in fear from his own goodness. Sadly, his lies end up hurting himself as much as they hurt others.
The only solution to all these lies is to face up to the emotional pain of feeling misunderstood and inadequate. Track that pain back to its origins in childhood and see it honestly for what it was. Understand just how you were ignored or neglected. Understand how much you feared—and still fear—“not knowing” and being abandoned. Understand how you can blame yourself for not knowing. Understand the anger simmering in your unconscious. Understand how you can hurt yourself in the process of giving others what they “deserve.”
Be advised, though, that the truth can be terrifying simply because you are not accustomed to it.
1 Comments:
Good article, MADDOG.
I've known a few pathological liars but have never known one with a good memory.
Post a Comment
<< Home