Friday, March 28, 2008
Smile
Smile
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.
So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America ?
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just go 'chunky dumping.'
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
Bumper sticker of the year:
'If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier'
And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Pledge of Allegiance
Some of you may remember Red Skelton, but he passed away before many of you were born. Red Skelton was a good & funny man. He also ended every show by saying, 'GOOD NIGHT AND GOD BLESS.' Listen to the end of this. It is something he said 39 years ago.
Very important that you listen to the very end! Eerie! Take a moment and listen to it (from 1969). How would he have known that this is what is happening?
Click on the link, and turn your sound on.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kfz2XDXaeqc
