Jarasans Blog

sent by a buddy:

Subject: Iranian Air Traffic Control

In addition to communicating with the local Air Traffic Controlfacility, all aircraft in the Persian Gulf AOR are required to give the Iranian Air Defense Radar(military) a ten minute 'heads up' if they will be transiting Iranian airspace.

This is a common procedure for commercial aircraft and involves giving them your call sign, transponder code,type aircraft, and points of origin and destination.

I just flew with a guy who overheard this conversation on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 1215 MHz while flyingfrom Europeto Dubai. It's too good not to pass along. The conversation went something like this...

Air Defense Radar: 'Unknown aircraft at (location unknown), you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'

Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'

Air Defense Radar: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'

Aircraft: 'This is a United StatesMarine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'

Radio silence.

Spry.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he really loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit-flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, the nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your Count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

WOW!

The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour. The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and then turned off.

Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact locked on to a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low flying exercise near the location.

Back at the CHP Headquarters the Patrol Captain fired off a complaint to the USMC Base Commander.

The reply came back in true USMC style:

Thank you for your letter. We can now complete the file on this incident.

You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked on to your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it, which is why it shut down.

Fortunately, the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was launched to destroy the hostile radar position.

The pilot also suggests you cover your mouths when cussing at them, since the video systems on these jets are very high tech.

Sergeant Johnson, the officer holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check his left rear molar. It appears the filling is loose.  Also, the snap is broken on his holster.

USAmerican engineering,  the best in the world.  Beauty in motion, notice the phrase capable of "catching up to................."

Having the radar signature of a robin…………………

They're the first military aircraft ever built that is equipped with a 'black-out button' What that means is this ... The best conditioned fighter pilots are capable of maintaining consciousness up to in the vicinity of 15+ G. The Raptor is capable of making 22+ G turns. If someday an adversary builds a missile that is capable of catching up to one of these airplanes and a Raptor pilot sees that a strike is imminent, he hits the 'b.o.b.' and the airplane makes a virtual U-turn, leaving the missile to pass right on by.

They know that in the process he'll temporarily lose consciousness,

so the Raptor then automatically comes back to straight and level

flight until he wakes.

Thanksgiving Divorce

 A man in  Jacksonville calls his son in San Diego the day before
 Thanksgiving and says, 'I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell
 you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery
 is enough.

 'Pop, what are you talking about?' the son screams. We can't
stand the sight of each other any longer,' the father says. 'We're sick
of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in
 Denver and tell her.'

 Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. 'Like
 heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this,'

 She calls  Jacksonville immediately, and screams at her father, 'You
 are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there.
 I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.
 Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up.

 The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay,' he
says, 'they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.'
 

A MODERN PARABLE

A Japanese company (Toyota) and an American company (Ford) decided to  have a canoe race on the Missouri River .  Both teams practiced long and  hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.

The Americans, very  discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the

reason for the crushing defeat.  A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.

Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person  rowing. 

Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting  company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion.

They advised, of  course, that too many people were steering the canoe while

not enough people were rowing. 

Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese,  the rowing team's management structure was totally

reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents, and 

1 assistant superintendent steering manager.   

They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person  rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder.  It was the  'Rowing Team Quality First Program,' with meetings, dinners, and free pens for the rower.  There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes,   and  other equipment,  extra vacation days for practices and bonuses. 

The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for   poor 

performance, halted   development of a new canoe, sold the paddles,   and 

canceled all capital   investments for new equipment.  The money saved   was 

distributed to the   Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year's   racing 

team was out-sourced   to India.

Sadly, The   End.   

Here's something else   to think about: 

Ford has spent the   last thirty years moving all its factories out of   the 

US, claiming they   can't make money paying American wages.

TOYOTA has spent the   last thirty years building more than a dozen   plants 

inside the US .

The last quarter's results: 

TOYOTA makes 4   billion in profits while Ford racked up 9 billion in   losses.

Ford folks are still   scratching their heads.

IF THIS   WEREN'T TRUE, IT MIGHT BE   FUNNY.............................