emily's Blog

  Found on a Bungee cord:

Use Extreme Caution when stretching cord over load.  Keep face and other vulnerable body parts away from potential cord rebound path.

But feel free to attach the Bungee cord to yourself and leap off a tall bridge.

  Happiness and success are inner processes that we bring to life's undertakings, rather than something we get from "out there."

  Found on a plastic bottle of Mott's apple juice:

        Plastic Bottle.  Excellent Source of Vitamin C.

To heck with oranges, other citric fruits, and vitamin supplements - eat just one plastic bottle a day and keep those colds away!

  You'll come to know that the fear of not having enough prevents many from seeing that they already are enough.

  What makes you human is not this form, but the invisible intelligence that suffuses it - mind, spirit, God, whatever you want to call it.

  Found on public rest room Continuous Roll Towel dispensers:

  maintenance operator:  Failure to follow loading instructions could result in serious injury or death

Death for failing to follow instructions?  Who'd have thought that janitors were working under such strict scrutiny?

What's the penalty for failing to fill all the toilet-paper holders?

Free speech is the whole thing, the whole ballgame.  Free speech is life itself.

                          Salman Rushdie

You must not disparge Pres. Bush

Teddy Roosevelt:  "To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we stand by the president right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public."

  Found in a television set's owner manual:

                              Do not pour liquids into your television set.

And please don't use your VCR as a toaster.

  Every obstacle that comes along on this planet is either an opportunity to grow and think differently....or to use as an excuse to believe that we're stuck.

Found on Sterno brand canned heat cooking fuel:

                  Caution: Flammable mixture.  Keep away from children.  Do not use near fire or flame.

How are you supposed to cook with a can of Sterno if you don't put a flame near it to light it in the first place?

  There are limits to material growth, but there are no limits to inner enlightenment.

  Have you considered that risks are nothing more than thoughts that you've convinced yourself are impossible to implement?

Found on a box of light-sensitive photographic paper:

                                  Open only in total darkness.  See further instructions inside.

Let's hope those instructions are in Braille.

"I've adopted the opinion that maybe I"d like to see the Republicans take it in the teeth in this election, lose the House and lick their wounds.  They just haven't done enough to be rewarded with continued control in Washington."

Found on a box of Kellog's Pop-Tarts:

                    Warning:  Pastry filling may be hot when heated.

Wow!  Free physics lesson with every box!!!!

  Behavior is a much better barometer of what you are than words.

congress. 

  Seen over front doors of stores and restaurants across the U.S.:

                            This door to remain unlocked during business hours.

If your employees haven't grasped this concept, why did you hire them?

My business has nearly doubled since i"ve opened the doors to paying customers.

  Shy people make shy pictures over and over in their minds, and until they see themselves as unafraid, they'll always act on the pictures they create.

clinton-obama

"You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror."

              yep - he said it -  sept. 6, '06  interview with katie couric.

Found on Snak Club Gummy Worms:

    No cholesterol, no preservatives.  A meal in itself.

Why cook dinner when you can just give the kids a bagful of nutritious gummy worms?

poll on aol

will these ads make you more or less likely to vote republican:

less:  68%

more:  32%

  What you allow yourself to think can either make things better or worse.

Found on a Wagner industrial heat gun:

                    Warning:  do not use heat gun as a hair dryer.

Dong King:  Please read the warning label!

  What has happened is not nearly as important as what can happen.

Found on Bowl Fresh Bathroom Freshener and Toilet Roll Holder:

                                caution:  harmful if swallowed.  call physician ommediately.

Hey Doc - I"ve got a toilet roll holder stuck in my throat!  What should I do?

  True inner serenity will always elude those who sit in judgment, since they use up their Life energy in anger at what is.

  Found on the safety booklet published by Cayman Airlines:

                                    If you are seated in an exit aisle and are unable to read this, please ask stewardess to reseat you.

How would finding another seat suddenly enable you to read??

  The elevator to success is out of order today.  You're going to have to take the stairway, one step at a time.

            "Who knows himself a braggart,

Let him fear this; for it will come to pass

That every braggart will be found an ass."        Shakespeare

  The difference between being neurotic and being a no-limit person isn't whether someone has problems.  Everyone has problems.  It's attitude.  Do you look for solutions or more problems?

  Found on Weber gas grills:

                                  Caution:  Surface will be warm when in use.

Let's hope it's more than warm or these steaks won't be done for weeks!

  Buddha said, "you will not be punished FOR your anger.  You will be punished BY your anger."

  Found on Intex queensize air mattress:

WARNING:  use only under competent supervision.

  Not tonight honey.  We don't have a competent supervisor.

  People generally stop having hurt feelings when they realize that those feelings can no longer be used to manipulate you.

  Found on a Northland jumbo size fire log:

                                  Caution:  Risk of fire.

Apparently the fireproof fire logs weren't selling well.

  Found on instructions for a fire extinguisher:

                          1.  Carry to fire.

or, if carrying to the fire is too much trouble, simply start another fire closer to the extinguisher.

  The "UN" in unconditional means not judging.

Jealousy is really a demand that someone love you in a certain way, and you saying, "It isn't fair" when they don't.  It comes from a lack of self-confidence.

  A non-doer is very often a critic - that is, someone who sits back and watches doers, and then waxes philosophically about how the doers are doing.  it's easy to be a critic, but being a doer requires effort, risk and change.

  Prejudice means to "pre-judge."  When you do so, you're making a decision about something before you have enough data on which to base a decision.

  Stop focusing on what you do not have, and take stock of all that you DO have.

  All of the "STUFF" in your life has arrived to serve you, rather than to make you a servant of the stuff.

  Saw that on rumormill.  i like that.

the other day i posted Live the commandements.  i could not for the life of me recall all 10.  Figured other people might have same problem.

1.  I am the Lord your God.  You shall not have strange gods before me.

2.  You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.

3.  Remember to keep holy the Lord's Day.

4.  Honor your father and mother.

5.  You shall not kill.

6.  You shall not commit adultery.

7.  You shall not steal.

8.  You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

9.  You shall not desire your neighbor's wife.

10. You shall not desire your neighbor's goods.

imagine a world in which everyone followed this.

  Your reputation is in the hands of others.  That's what a reputation is.  You can't control that.  The only thing you can control is your character.

    Live the Ten Commandments.

    Self-esteem comes from the self, not from acquisitions and approval.

  The truth is, if one of us succeeds, we all do.

  You can't expect to draw people into your life who are kind, confident, and generous if you're thinking and acting in cruel, weak, and selfish ways.  You must put forth what you want to attract.

  Make an internal commitment to respect yourself and feel worthy of all that the Universe has to offer.

Late one night in the capitol city a mugger jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.

"give me your money!" he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this - I'm a U>S> Congressman.!"

"In that case, replied the robber, "give me my money.!"